Worzel Week – Day 5

All this week we've been posting extracts from our fabumazing book, The quite very actual adventures of Worzel Wooface. In our final instalment, Worzel tries being a normal dog ...

May 29

I did pinch a carrot wot Mum did drop. I don’t be doing this very hoften, so when I did take the carrot off the floor, I did not actual get told off. In-very-fact, Mum was frilled to bits with this normal-dog-behaviour, and finks there is hope for me yet. Trouble is, I do not know wot to do with it now cos I don’t actual want to eat it, but it feels like a prize. Happarently, this isn’t normal-dog-behaviour, and very definitely not normal-Sighthound-dog-behaviour. Most Sighthounds would not be carrying it

around: it would have been eated in a flash, even if they didn’t like it cos they is food-stealing-munch-monsters.

I don’t fink I’m much good at this bit of Sighthounding. Mum says this actual isn’t a problem from her point of view: she’s met some Sighthound food thieves, she says, and they do defy very belief.

The most himpressive thieves she hever did meet were a pair of quite elderly Italian Greyhounds, or Iggies. Mum hinsists Iggies are pure Sighthound but I do fink, from wot she’s tolded me, that they have monkey buried somewhere in their jeans cos they can climb anywhere.

The Christmas before I did arrive here, Mum was hinvited to a Sighthound party, and got the chance to meet up with one of her foster dogs, Suzy. Suzy, a long, tall Lurcher lady, had an actual rubbish life before she was fostered and dopped, so she did do guardering everyfing – her toys, her bed, her food – every actual fing.

To make sure Suzy wasn’t wanting to guard the food at the party, lots of fings were put up very high so that she wouldn’t be actual worried and do guardering or food-pinching. Suzy did relax and everyboddedy else did very, too, finking that if the food was out of long, tall Suzy’s reach, then noboddedy else would very quite be able to get at it.

But they did forget about the Iggies. You should never, hever forget about Iggies, hespecially wise and ancient Iggies wot do know every actual trick in the very book, and who managed to get up on the top of a fridge-freezer without anyboddedy noticing.

Mum says seeing these two tiny Iggies staring down at her from above her head, covered in cake, was the actual funniest and weirdest fing she has ever seen!

Like lots of peoples who like Sighthounds, Mum secretly does want an Italian Greyhound, but she would only hever dop a dog and they don’t come into rescue very actual often. I find this very hard to hunderstand ...

The quite very actual adventures of Worzel Wooface is available now over at the H&H website.

View an interview with the author, Cath Pickles, on our YouTube channel!

Worzel Week – Day 4

All this week we'll be posting extracts from our fabumazing book, The quite very actual adventures of Worzel Wooface. In this instalment, there's the pitter-patter of tiny kitten feet ...

May 20

Mum didn’t go to bed last night because Stray did do giving birth to her kittens, and Mum did hobserving and very Being There in case everyfing wented pear-shaped. It all started at one in the morning, and I was not allowed to join in. I did get to do sleeping with Dad on the bed, and also

I-don’t-care-what-he-does-you-just-make-sure-he-is-quiet-and-doesn’t-get-out. I was very actual exerlent at this, and did not know about the giving birth fing until this morning.

There are five kittens, and Mum says they is all alive and about the same size. Mum says that is good news because there isn’t one she has to worry and flap about. Dad says that just means she’ll worry and flap about all five of them. There are two tabby ones and three black ones. I did walk past the bedroom this morning and my appearance did not cause chaos or ninja-hissy-fits from Stray, so I are not going to be banned from upstairs for the next two months which I is very quite relieved about.

This evening Mum was supposed to go to the theatre to see her friend, Louise, In A Musical. A Musical is when people do manic jumping up and down and dancing and singing, so I is not actual surprised Louise was inned it: Louise’s life is a permanent musical but with more mud. Just before she was going to leave, Mum wented to check on the kittens and Stray, and she fort she could see and feel somefing hard and kitten shaped inside the mummy cat. Mum did have a big panic and phoned

Sally-the-Vet, who said Stray and the five kittens needed to come to the Hotel de Stoven Hall straight away.

Sally-the-Vet said there was no more kittens. Mum had to miss going to the theatre, of course, and I fink Sally-the-Vet did feel a bit sorry about this because, when Mum got out her purse to pay, Sally-the-Vet did tell her to go home and get some sleep, and not be worrying about the monies. Mum was feeling like a bit of a wally for panicking, and even more so an hour later, when Stray did the biggest poo you have ever seen come out of a cat!

So far Mum has been called a prat, a wally, a hidiot and a numpty. Mainly by herself.

The quite very actual adventures of Worzel Wooface is available now over at the H&H website.

View an interview with the author, Cath Pickles, on our YouTube channel!